i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
