I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
false alarm, still single
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