Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
its liver damage thursday
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
