one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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