my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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