she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
