A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
