you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
