i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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