I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
