and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
