D3 body, D1 cock
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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