Dual....:-)
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
