His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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