you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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