I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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