You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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