im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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