11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
