we have pet lesbian snakes
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
one might say we're banned from that church
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
