I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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