I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
