Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
