I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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