I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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