I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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