take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
