areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
