Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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