you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
