his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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