i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
that is very illegal...i love you.
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