I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I bet he comes in French.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
