real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He passed out mid-signature
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
