Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
