I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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