that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
