I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
