Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
