At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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