How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
