There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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