She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
