we're chasing vodka with high fives
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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