the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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