After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
