if only i could text you this smell
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
