I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
