I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
