the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
