I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
