his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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