Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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