I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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