I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
